Each passing year I think, “This year will be easier. It’s just another day.” But then December 1st approaches and I find myself sinking into the memories of that day 8 years ago when our precious T.J. left us. His death by suicide still reverberates in my mind and soul as a scream of HOW? WHY? It is as if I am dropped into an abyss of darkness and then I find myself enveloped with kindness and a whisper of "he was loved, you are loved, but you will never know the answer to those questions while here on earth." I am then able to move forward out of the darkness once again.
That’s the thing about grief—it never ends. It is something you live with every day and it becomes part of you. I accept it. I will never understand it. I work hard at embracing it. It isn’t my friend, but it isn’t my enemy either. It just is. For anyone lucky enough to have loved, there will likely also be loss and grief. I know how lucky I am because I have been blessed to know love in many ways.
There is a Bible verse that I have always found comfort in from 1 Corinthians:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never ends.”
Love NEVER ends and that is how you can continue to put one foot in front of the other in the face of devastating loss. It is the Love that can propel you forward and help you to find the peace and light in your life again. So while T.J. is no longer walking this earth the Love he brought into our lives continues and breathes life into our broken hearts.
So 8 years of loss has also been 8 years of T.J.’s LOVE that perseveres and refuses to be extinguished. How I wish you were still here my precious boy, but I thank goodness your love has transcended your death.
Posted with Love and T.J. hugs
#grief #child loss #stopsuicide